Confronting Without Offending by Deborah Smith Pegues

Author:Deborah Smith Pegues
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780736932561
Publisher: Harvest House Publishers

10

Listening

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Communication is the exchange of information. To effectively resolve interpersonal conflicts, we must accurately discern the root cause and be willing to listen objectively to the other person’s input. This means hearing what is being said as well as what is not being said. The behaviors below are a few of the causes of the negative exchanges that can produce the cracks in our relationships. As you review the list, consider one of your recent conflicts and note which behavior from the list may have been the root cause.

• Fears/insecurity/jealousy

• Envy/greed

• Sin/rebellion

• Unexpressed or unmet expectations

• Unrealistic expectations

• Undefined roles and responsibilities

• Differing values, beliefs, philosophies, or opinions

• Competing desires

• Ineffective systems and processes

• Vain ambitions, power struggles

• Conflicting goals and objectives

• Violation of boundaries (expressed and unexpressed)

• Limited or scarce resources (time, money, space)

• Language barriers

• Lack of information

• Lack of understanding of the needs of different temperaments

• Poor relational skills

We need not only the skills and courage to say the right words in resolving conflict, we also must be skilled in listening. Again, I claim the words spoken of the Messiah as my goal:

“The Lord GOD has given Me

The tongue of the learned,

That I should know how to speak

A word in season to him who is weary.

He awakens Me morning by morning,

He awakens My ear

To hear as the learned.”

(Isaiah 50:4)

This is crucial to conducting an effective confrontation. By listening, we create a context or environment where people feel they have been heard and their thoughts or feelings have been validated. This is half the battle in resolving any conflict. Perhaps this is why we are admonished to be “swift to hear” (James 1:19). Listening is not a passive activity. It requires significant effort to discern what is really being said and even unsaid.

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